So much brain congestion

OMG my brain is doing some funny things. thought to myself the other day how different life could be if id just follow my feelings instead of arguing between my brain and my heart. yet some things aren't ever worth fixing. Josephine stopped by the other week. dont believe anymore it was just to say hello. i mean, would you, finding an unexpected friend request from father two days later?? NO! i dont appreciate you coming to check up and make sure just for his pleasure. if it means that much, he'd be fighting his way into my life, not sending secret sisters. and MILLIE. OMG. another blow to the heart. Emily, Millie. maybe its just me but i cant find the difference. I cant find the line that makes it okay that my name, so many years later is so close to hers. the child he left. the child he didn't want to keep. the child he was willing to forget all about. 21 years of service to the Marine Corps, followed by years of work, school and crap that kept him away from his kids. did he ever go searching? no, i dont believe so. i think after all that happened he would have said something to save us from the humiliation and disgust from his past. again, him not caring for his kids. guess that lesson should be quite obvious after learning about Kimberly the first time. oh dont you love family?!

Stupid Hospital

See! Bad experience today. Went and had blood drawn at noon, like I was told. Found the trauma clinic at one. Walked out at Two forty five without having seen the doctor. Apparently there was a Lab issue. I dont get it. How the hell does it take two and a half hours to run one simple blood test. Was the E.r or O.R. that busy at Lunch Time?! Stupid Hospital!!! Well, the lady from the clinic called this evening. There is still a low platelet count issue, somewhere around 113. IDK! Have to wait for her to schedule appointment with free clinic now. I am so tired of going there though. I swear, if I knew without a doubt I could avoid hospitals the rest of my life, Id be very happy! :)

The Worst Part

I hate hospitals. They are only there to kill people. Maybe not really 'kill people', but most days it seems they are only there to deliver bad news. Every time, I get bad news. I cant remember every getting good news going to the doctor. Emily, we have to cut your foot open. Emily, we need to remove your gallbladder. Emily, you might have to have your appendix removed. Thank God that didnt come to. Oh, or Emily, we have to remove your wisdom teeth so you jaw can finish growing. (I know oral surgery aint that big a deal, but hey, I lost FOUR teeth.)
The absolute worst part of those +-36 hours, No Definitive Answer. I hate hospitals. I can understand the role of Doctor, and their necessity in helping people. But HOSPITALS! You go in in absolute pain and two days later, they cant tell you what was wrong. Although. the doctor did call last night, hopefully with a step forward. Low platelet count. I dont know what that means, but it sound closer to diagnosis than more questions. I do have to go in for follow up labs and talk, so that sucks. But Im almost willing to do this to make the pain go away.

That's all Ive ever wanted.

Idaho billboard compares Obama to Colorado theater shooting suspect

Idaho billboard compares Obama to Colorado theater shooting suspect

oh thats right

you could totally be my God. how weird. I was just thinking about the perfect guy. now mine doesn't exist. believe me, if that character line out was true, every woman would be able to find perfect in farm country. oh, but that boy is handsome!!! find him for me. that guy who would put his life on the line if he was caught lying to me. the guy that will love me for me in spite of everything that comes with me. hell know its okay to say no. hell so no more often than yes. he hates my cereal. i love his eggs and bacon platter. we drink silly every Friday to the band, the music that makes my heart sing. the music that makes me want to live! find him, and you're my GOD!