Manic Depressive
Not even the therapist/psychologist used that terminology.
Should I feel offended? Do I react in anger and/or disgust?
This is a new one.
Sure, I might have been acting off base, but I was in no way seeming nuts. I had a bad moment with my brain early in the day that would not give way to anything but anger. Did you really want to follow what road, out of pure stupidity?
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mom, Mommy, Mother, a.k.a. Mooma
I cant believe my brain recalls that last one. It almost makes me cry. Oh wait, tears have already been spilled. Today is one of those days Id rather close the door on, but I cant because of all the people in my life who still have mommys that care. Then I remember, Im not the reason this days sucks! Its not my fault, Its not James, Josephines, or Bobbys fault. Its Kates (maybe even Richards). But us kids, we did nothing wrong. We did nothing to drive a wedge in our lives.
So to all those Mommys who care. To all those Mommys who stuck around through the hard, who cared through the evil, who stayed with open arms, and a loving heart. to all those Mommys who made the teenage years livable, who loved unconditionally (without expectation), to all those Mommys who knew no matter the consequences, these kids are my responsibility. To all the Mommys who matter, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. Youve earned it.
---My Mommy, you can turn your back all you want, God is watching. Science makes sense, but GOD IS WATCHING.
And yes, Im still angry. You cant abandon your kids (even with their evil father) and expect all to be good. Time does not make this feeling go away, time does not makes these memories fade. Time does not heal all.
So to all those Mommys who care. To all those Mommys who stuck around through the hard, who cared through the evil, who stayed with open arms, and a loving heart. to all those Mommys who made the teenage years livable, who loved unconditionally (without expectation), to all those Mommys who knew no matter the consequences, these kids are my responsibility. To all the Mommys who matter, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. Youve earned it.
---My Mommy, you can turn your back all you want, God is watching. Science makes sense, but GOD IS WATCHING.
And yes, Im still angry. You cant abandon your kids (even with their evil father) and expect all to be good. Time does not make this feeling go away, time does not makes these memories fade. Time does not heal all.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
there is this CNN article that has me befuddled
Hispanic or Latino?
Honestly, I grew up a Mexican-American, born in the South (Mississippi), raised in the Ohio Valley.
And I liked that simple statement, no matter how long it was.
But Now?
What am I to think?
Am I more Latino than Hispanic, or more Mexican than American? Alright, that second one is laughable, given the snort. LOL.
I dont know where to identify. Or how.
For now. Im An American, born with mixed blood, under an American Flag.
That's good enough for me.
Lets Smile, Memorial Day is right around the corner.
Honestly, I grew up a Mexican-American, born in the South (Mississippi), raised in the Ohio Valley.
And I liked that simple statement, no matter how long it was.
But Now?
What am I to think?
Am I more Latino than Hispanic, or more Mexican than American? Alright, that second one is laughable, given the snort. LOL.
I dont know where to identify. Or how.
For now. Im An American, born with mixed blood, under an American Flag.
That's good enough for me.
Lets Smile, Memorial Day is right around the corner.
Friday, May 2, 2014
May
May I please get the truth.
May I please not be lied to.
May I please think my way, not yours.
May I speak my mind freely, without question.
If not, then youre not wanted around here.
Lets go summer 2014
May I please not be lied to.
May I please think my way, not yours.
May I speak my mind freely, without question.
If not, then youre not wanted around here.
Lets go summer 2014
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Gettin' it all off my mind would take too long
And if I could control my bullet points, that would be better. However, we're not there today. Today, it's all suppose to be complaints, but there are too many to number.
How do you think it feels? The world has just witnessed how weak the rest of the world thinks America is. Its September 2001. After today, how wrong could the world go inside our little family. We wouldn't know for nearly two months.
November 1, 2001. The day the world became nothing and hatred led the way. Momma dropping us girls off at the middle school, watching her stop at the red light, and take the right turn to drop James off at the elementary school. Little did we know, we wouldn't see her when we returned home that evening, and it would take nearly 48 hours for her to make contact. For heavens sake, she couldn't help but call on his birthday, on her birthday, on their birthday. In twelve days, I'll be fourteen.
Who knew being born on Friday the thirteenth (Nov 1987) could bring so much shit to one life.
Who knew, this many years later (its been nearly thirteen) all I want is for her to say the right thing.
All I want is for him to realize, he failed miserably as a father, a single parent, and as what was suppose to be a life long friend, the one man who would never judge, the one with all the right answers, the one man who was suppose to love without question. After all, you are suppose to be HIS DAUGHTER.
What terrible people they were, are. What terrible things they did. What horrid things their children witnessed in those few short years. Those are the memories that I want to be rid of. Yet, they are the ones, the bad, the scary, the fighting, the crashes, the tears that wont leave me.
YOUR CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER. Always!
March 2014. I sit here wondering what could have been different. Had they never crossed paths, sure I might not be here, but then, neither would all the bad.
Your children look up to you no matter what situation life gives them. They want to know they can handle this because YOU (dad and mom) believe in them more than they can ever conceive. You love them beyond what human kind thinks is appropriate. You show them they mean the world and more to you. Nothing is ever too good for them, you put that thought in their head. Dont let them think otherwise, or they might end up here, in someones basement, wondering, instead of living.
March 15, 2014. Saturday, sitting here listening to country music (it calms my heart), finishing this bottle of rum, thinking to myself, YOURE BETTER THAN THIS, yet knowing Im not ready to change the situation, simply cause I HATE CHANGE!
Oh Emily, clear your mind. What is it you want the most right now?
My brains answers, 'hand me that glass of rum'.
How do you think it feels? The world has just witnessed how weak the rest of the world thinks America is. Its September 2001. After today, how wrong could the world go inside our little family. We wouldn't know for nearly two months.
November 1, 2001. The day the world became nothing and hatred led the way. Momma dropping us girls off at the middle school, watching her stop at the red light, and take the right turn to drop James off at the elementary school. Little did we know, we wouldn't see her when we returned home that evening, and it would take nearly 48 hours for her to make contact. For heavens sake, she couldn't help but call on his birthday, on her birthday, on their birthday. In twelve days, I'll be fourteen.
Who knew being born on Friday the thirteenth (Nov 1987) could bring so much shit to one life.
Who knew, this many years later (its been nearly thirteen) all I want is for her to say the right thing.
All I want is for him to realize, he failed miserably as a father, a single parent, and as what was suppose to be a life long friend, the one man who would never judge, the one with all the right answers, the one man who was suppose to love without question. After all, you are suppose to be HIS DAUGHTER.
What terrible people they were, are. What terrible things they did. What horrid things their children witnessed in those few short years. Those are the memories that I want to be rid of. Yet, they are the ones, the bad, the scary, the fighting, the crashes, the tears that wont leave me.
YOUR CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER. Always!
March 2014. I sit here wondering what could have been different. Had they never crossed paths, sure I might not be here, but then, neither would all the bad.
Your children look up to you no matter what situation life gives them. They want to know they can handle this because YOU (dad and mom) believe in them more than they can ever conceive. You love them beyond what human kind thinks is appropriate. You show them they mean the world and more to you. Nothing is ever too good for them, you put that thought in their head. Dont let them think otherwise, or they might end up here, in someones basement, wondering, instead of living.
March 15, 2014. Saturday, sitting here listening to country music (it calms my heart), finishing this bottle of rum, thinking to myself, YOURE BETTER THAN THIS, yet knowing Im not ready to change the situation, simply cause I HATE CHANGE!
Oh Emily, clear your mind. What is it you want the most right now?
My brains answers, 'hand me that glass of rum'.
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