Bubbling things up

Its almost like Ive tried everything to change the way my mind thinks. Yet, there's always a craving for this really bad thing, pez. I want them more everyday. I want them when I drink. I want them when I smoke. I don't want to get them through a doctor. Does that fix my moral situation? I'm more than willing to leave all doctors out of this. And with no job, they're even less likely simply going to hand it over. lol. I'm just so tired of feeling sick and tired, and I know this can help. Damn shame!!!!