I cant possibly be ready

When you abandon your children, your family, you must expect the worse at all times. Even after one daughter comes looking and you cant or worse, refuse to answer the most simple, why? All the excuses make one big ball nonsense.
-for me
-for ya'll
-for my happiness
-for my sanity

none of these makes sense to a thirteen year old girl.
And the 26 year old girl aint close to letting you make a horse shit of life right now.
So back off, let time take its course. Maybe one day, your letters will make sense.

yes, He stuck around

but did he do the right thing?
doubtful, after stuffing the kids into stranger therapy
most days i wonder if any of this was worth while.
then the next day, there is this message that you cant delete.
it sucks!!
she almost attempts to make you feel guilty.
except, what did i do?
i dont recall breaking any standard rule before this race.
but she deserves much more than a simple hard smack across the cheek.

sometimes it's better

i love being too damn distracted by the importance of today than the meaning the world states. June 15, 2014 Kevin's birthday. A great NASCAR Sunday, a Jimmie Johnson win. An afternoon spent in relaxation. Happy June 15th World. I enjoyed the moments that mattered today.

that letter

i am only human
i wanna read the first one
i can not forgive you
i do not forget
i cant wait to read your next letter...

so unless you can be the mother i needed twelve days before my fourteenth birthday, when everything started changing, when i needed a strong mother figure the most, i dont have time to listen to your excuses. if youre dying, write another letter. maybe that can calm a crying girls heart.

but until my heart can handle the shit you cant explain, do your daughter a favor and leave me be. im better now without the stress. my chest can breathe.


---thirteen year old Emily (06/13/2014)

Maybe, just maybe...

He could be there, in her dreams. After a week and a half of adventures in Chicago, who would she want to tell more than John. While her body is recuperating from the journey, maybe in her dreams shes describing every detail too him. Maybe they are enjoying a story on a beach, in her dreams. All I know for sure, this recovery time will probably last until shes ready for her next adventure. Get ready for Joyce Grace, Florida!