well shits too you!

you try living ten years knowing your mother never wanted you, never cared for you, never even thought about what would happen to you after she walked away. shes a whore! I'm not saying everything that happened to me is her fault, but what do you expect when the other parent begins to neglect you for his new wife/life. you act out! you're fifteen and not a damn soul cares about you. what the fuck would you do? and remember i had bobby and Richard Jr to look up to, not mom. and what happened when they got divorced? everybody else scattered. Jen and Jon married, and left. Richard was long gone, and bobby ran to Lacey's and her family. thanks for the support you ass jacks! no joke though, not even six months after my parents were divorced, dad was marrying some other whore who already had seven kids of her own, and her youngest was my age. you really think shes was interested in mothering at that point? no, she was into beating. that was 2003. still stuck in hell with no obvious way out. now i don't know what to think. i don't know how to forget. all i want this year is to forget. this hot chocolate may be burning my tongue but i want alcohol to burn this memories from my brain. in twenty four years i cant remember a birthday party or a family Christmas that had both parents where everyone was happy. i cant remember family dinners except for whats been told to me. my own memories being told to me like it was the first time. that's what i want to forget!

Its Friday!

and since i have done everything i can think of, i am now posting this. not much has happened. that home for the small spotts backed out. poo! thats ok i think. just means more blah blah. here are some pictures...

 momma kitty in the window

 since october is coming to a close ive suffered two long weeks of pain and the strangest dreams in years.

baby kitty trying to run away

they are just the cutest

 little man.

St. Louis Cardinals down Milwaukee Brewers in Game 6 to advance to World Series - Joe Lemire - SI.com

St. Louis Cardinals down Milwaukee Brewers in Game 6 to advance to World Series - Joe Lemire - SI.com

Adult, baby zebra escape exhibit at Boston zoo

Adult, baby zebra escape exhibit at Boston zoo

at times you cant help but wonder

Will there be a nice person who wants to shower a kitten with love?

momma kitty loving the window seal even more now that its cooling off quickly outside. I hate Ohio weather!!

although she does look so precious

baby girl kitty. I've decided not to name them in case they do go to new homes.

 and shes a beauty! still so tiny but smelling cleaner, yay!

 i love to watch them wiggle across the floor. because we have a rough carpet i generally lay down soft towels or blankets before bringing them out for those 10-15 minutes till mommas ready for them again

and the precious Sylvester look a like, once again. i don't know how many syllies i can handle.... lol

photo update!! :)

a few more photos of the baby kittens.... as soon as i photograph them im so anxious to post photos. today is 'big step' day. trying to keep them out from under the dresser for a full hour. lets see how spots does first, and if she can handle another trip to grandmas tomorrow?!

a few days ago

well last week i suffered from my first seizure. it was not fun, the week after was not fun and i still have a bruise on my arm. stupid people shouldnt be riding around in ambulances with an EMT patch sewn on their arm. yeah i know he was doing his job but your not suppose to bruise me! oh well........ pictures are prettier lol.

                                          cats head in my purse is usually something i like to avoid.

                                          sylvester resting in my arms.... hes such a sweetie :)

                                                              updated photo, bruise free lol

                         sylvester perched in front of the closet. its like he was guarding something lol

                                   boys sleeping on top of each other.... i think its to keep warm

                                                              they are such cuties!!

                                 well you know how it goes. theres always something in my head

                                                                  the beautiful babies!!!

 totally out of focus and upside down but i got the baby out from under the dresser. i found that cool!

                                                                                boys :)

theres a time for new things all the time.... last night was teaching emily to love whiskey again lol

now all i want to do is fly away from november, try to enjoy yet another lame ass birthday and wait for christmas to tear me down. lol :)