what about living.......

there was a time when thinking, 'I remember when growing up I dreamed of being on stage like them, singing those beautiful songs, making people feel', made you realize, youre an old fart. but im only twenty-five. in less than a month, ill be twenty-six. yet all i think about when i see those Cassadee Pope commercials is, that couldve been me. i had a beautiful voice that rang the walls. i loved singing in school. but today, id prefer a smoke and a drink before getting on stage. total no-no when caring about your singing voice. oh, this is hard to admit. im very happy that you cant go back in time and change what could have been(or is). but today, when i think about next months big day, do i still have those dreams, or anything in the ballpark? hell no! today, i just want something to do. something that might force my brain to think beyond what circle do i choose today (its a food thing). whether it be as simple as frying potatoes and flipping burgers to 'hey, what sauce goes on this?' or even what color looks best against this curtain? i dont know. but my brain can only be so challenged by everyday events and books so far. it needs more now. and when there is a cat staring at you, begging for attention, you leave the computer on you game, turn away, and say 'here kitty love, i can pay attention for a few minutes. but i think dinner will be on the table in the next ten minutes, so i hope you make this worth your time, cause i wont be available for atleast, oh, till tomorrow. i mean, come on, Spot, its nearly eight o'clock and dinner is still in the oven'. LOL it aint so bad, having Captain brought to you with nothing expected in return. so if youre ever looking for the upside when living with your boyfriends parents, thats the only one ive found in ten months, although some days it does feel longer than that. hmm.

dont have any idea for this one

after all that has been said and done, you would think I would have something in my brain worth putting on paper. or what this is. But today, maybe it was the haircut, I have nothing to yell, argue, or complain about today. it might be Mother Nature, or it might be me, but today, my brain is oddly free. i walked, i talked to myself, i even bought an overly large white shirt for ninety-seven cents! maybe it can be pajamas, or an overly-large shirt over a tank top/camisole. given its short sleeve, and pretty much see-through white, i think it'll take a color tank top underneath. i like it! and the other new white shirt, that had kinda 'business' look to it. i dont know. but this reminds me, go apply to Macy's for a winter job. Christmas gifts!!! i hope.