never enough time

theres never enough time in the day to do what you really want. i want to run, be free, have free thoughts roam again. i miss my think out loud sessions. they were very very helpful when it came to clear my head. now im fearful of what someone might hear or say. now i dont want to let loose with anything. there are now too many ears listening in. that annoys, deprives and angers me. that makes me sad and tired. im so tired now, all the time. i want to sleep or drink all the time. i never want to leave the warmth of this house, which is also very annoying. and now, if i open my mouth there might come offensive words that piss someone off and then im homeless. ofcourse i could go look for help but the help i want is no longer close enough. anger boiling over unlike that bean soup Joyce is cooking for dinner. oh, bean soup? i get they like beans, but basic bean soup? hopefully theres more than just beans and ham bone fall offs. oh joy!