Over a Month Later.

My brain is at ease today. I made it so. I went out on my own for a little bit today to clear my mind. I woke up to a full brain making lots of noise. It was good to be by myself for that short bit.

And then, to the good stuff thats been eating my brain waves for over a month now! This might feel even better!

It constantly amazes me (i know it shouldn't anymore) how stupid people are. Now, I'm not calling them stupid. I came across them this way, and they amaze me, most of the time. How can you be so clueless to everyday happenings? How are you so lost in the city in which you grew up in? How do I know more about whats happening (when I'm trying my hardest not too) than you?!

How do I know, not only is she pregnant again! but also married? I'm more confused on the 'Married' front. Shes already thrown away one child. Do I believe the 'New Husband' can help her come to realize that this child is desperate for her? Stop being your mother! Keep your kids close. Tell them a million times a day you LOVE them (once is NEVER enough). They mean the WORLD to you and more, tell them daily. If you're not able to do that this time around, then yes, garbage that child like the last. Give them more chances than that hell family, that garbage of a woman. Do you really think she can offer more to YOUR child than you ever could? YOU'RE WRONG!

Then again, this is coming from someone who is still more than a hundred percent against all they showed us. The fights, the emergencies, the police, the therapists.  The strangers who looked down on us, even at CHURCH. The counselors, the Bishops, the youth leaders who didn't know what to say, or how to act. They simply did not understand, and did not know the right questions to avoid an emotional breakdown. The friends that turned their backs on us, they didn't know better. What do teenagers do when you tear them from everything they know, everything they can ever remember? Of course, thats where my blackouts start. When everything started falling apart, I lost my memory.

Some days, I'm okay with it. I cant change or go back and restore. I can only hold onto whats left floating through my brain even if they are the memories I don't want. Even when they are only the bad, the horrible and the 'want to die' memories.

2015, where are you, girl?