seizures and the happiness behind them

yeah i know that may sound funny, but my brain is acting differently. i was not aware id notice the weird brain activity, but my anger is disappearing. that i dont like. that gave me ample reason to hate all those heartless bitches. my anger made part of me whole. and now im noticing it going away after the seizure. is that fair?! i dont think so. im still trying to figure out what caused it, but the after effects i could have gone without. the pain from the IV and that stupid EMT, the brain reconfiguration (the only way i know how to put it) uh! i dont know. im afraid now that a day will soon come where im ready to forgive but this year was suppose to be about forgetting them, all of them. dusting them into my past, things i can no longer remember. i dont think that's happening though. god what are you going to do!?!?!?!?!?! i just wish i knew why. is it the PTSD giving me up, or the drug and alcohol abuse ive suffered myself through the last eight years. i just want to know. what brings these on? i know they say its just abnormal brain activity, but i think with all the medical advances they've made over the last twenty years even, they would have found deeper meaning behind the human brain and the way it acts or reacts. see there's another one, was this a simple misfired reaction from the kitties being born? that would be funny and strange and sad all at the same time.