Things can drive you crazy

Recently i have been having very unusual dreams, and they are starting to annoy me. I haven't dream't about an ex-boyfriend in years, and now $%^%$ wont stay out of my head. Its rather bothersome because of the context of the dreams. Twice already this month, and they are so vivid. Yeah, I miss the easier days, but who doesn't? this world sucks and its only getting worse. There are no 'real-good' people any more. With $%^%$, everything was easy and 'real-good', there was no pressure or anything. Now i wonder what could have been. What should have happened that night after work. Should i have been more nice and forthcoming? probably, but that's gone. now im dreaming of him, like hes it. Hes the guy. and after nearly three years with Kev yeah, im ready for a change, but of scenery not people. sure the people aspect would be nice to but i dont want to leave Kev behind. I want new places with Kev. Although these dreams leave something to wonder. Should i see what could be? Should i walk away and bury these dreams? Do I cross that line and potentially ruin what he already has? I dont even know what that is. Its so frustrating. I just hate that I wake up some mornings after these dreams, and want Purcey. Some days I even feel guilty waking up next to Kev, cause hes not my first thought, hes not my first anything. A change is coming and Im afraid I wont be ready. Even more frightening, Im afraid I wont want this one, this needed change. Somethings have to though, and soon. Im about to kill an SOB.