Today, I failed. I was recognized at Kroger this afternoon. Not something I had planned for my day. Albeit, it was Sis. Kim Sherwood who spotted me. She'll always be remembered as the nice church lady. Her husband was the second or third Bishop I remember while attending church. Her eldest son Matthew was in my age group at church, and for a small while, a friend. Although, that term was distorted when Rachel and Jarrod showed up. That story is for another day, lol. The Sherwood family, while obviously not 'perfect', still had something to aspire too. And again, Ive failed. A family with five children, sure you know they struggled. While I dont know the whole story or upbringing with their Rachel, I know she was a sweet heart. Then there was Sarah. She was nice, older than me, still nice. A very sweet persona. Then Matthew, the crazy bear. That's how I remember him. And Joe, who was friends with my younger brother. He was funny. And I think I forgot about Sam. The youngest and possible craziest. From what I remember, hes like Taz-mania, always on the move. Always running through the halls of the church. Making a raucous in the gym after services. And yet still, they have something to be seen, that after watching everything in my family implode, you desperately want.
I dont know. Theres just something about seeing people from that period of time that upsets me. They watched ffrom the outside while my parents chose better for themselves than for their children. Yes, I also understand that there was nothing they could do or say without appearing to butt in, and lets face it, we still are no good at asking for help. But I was thirteen, and learning to hate everybody. The List merely started with Dad and Mom.
And yes, it might be time to understand differently. But lets face this one more time. What would you do if your mother left you and your family, twelve days before your fourteenth birthday. And in the coming years, dad will be very neglectful (or just too damn busy, hes a master at that!) and shove off into the next whore house. I mean, how many times must a single lady in her, lets go late forties, early fifties break a stove, or washer in one week before you realize whats going on! Even I wasnt that stupid! But I clearly come from dumb ass people. Go Me!
Well, the Rum hasnt kicked in yet, so lets call it quits! I dont think going any further today would be any helpful. Might just hurt me more. Im not ready.
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